• Leah Chelle

How to come out of your shell and overcome your shyness

“The shell must break before the bird can fly. ”


Okay, lets get right into it shall we!

First things first, we have to understand what shyness is and how it exactly affects a person.

Shyness is an emotion that affects the way a person feels and behaves when they are around other people. The symptoms of being shy can differ depending on the person.

  • Nervous

  • Self-conscious

  • Timid

  • Insecure

  • Uncomfortable

These are a few of the emotions that a shy person may feel.There can also be physical sensations that accompany these emotions. Becoming breathless, shaking, and blushing are some of the common feelings a person may experience when they are shy.

Have you ever had a big speech to give and you suddenly got butterflies in your stomach? What about that nervous feeling you get when meeting someone new? These are both great examples of life moments that could bring out the shy side of someone.

Everyone in their lifetime experiences some shy tendencies. You may not be a shy individual in general or diagnosed with this disorder, but their could be certain situations in life that triggers this feeling.

I myself have struggled with being shy ever since I can remember. Most kids grow out of being shy because for them it's just a phase they go through when they are young. Not for this girl!

For some it's something that tends to stick around and not just something that can go away. For people like this it takes a lot of willpower and practice to even start. Personally it took me years to get to the point I am at now. I wouldn't say that I am fully over my shyness because that would be a lie.

I have grown from my experiences and realized that life is pretty awesome. The world and the people in it are not as scary as I pictured. I am happy to say that I am content right now and actually proud to call myself a shy introvert in a world full of dominant extroverts!

To look around and see everyone socializing with each other and actually doing it better than you makes a shy person wonder how does it seemingly come so easily to them? It could make them feel lonely and this is not particularly a good thing, but we will get into that later.

Here are some benefits and advantages that come along with being a shy person.

Some Pros of Being Shy

  • You appear more approachable

Because of your quite tendency and your innocent looks you will appear more approachable to others...that is if your shyness in on the less extreme side. People are less intimidated and you will appear more approachable and easier to talk to.

  • You have an affect on peoples attitudes

Even though you are far from calm on the inside when out in public or in a room full of people, your outside appearance shows a different story. To the outside world you can come off as a calm and collected person even though you are panicking on the inside. Your calm presence seems to make others around you calm, as well as bring on a more positive attitude.

  • You appear more trustworthy

Since you don't tend to go around around bragging about your accomplishments or your life this makes you seem more down to earth and levelheaded. Therefore people will see you as a someone who they can confide in and trust with any information they tell you.

  • You have meaningful friendships

Shy people tend to make more meaningful relationships because they make friends with people who they feel comfortable around and whom they can trust. Shy people are very careful about who they call a friend. Those who have friends who are shy tend to be more understanding, trustworthy and loving towards others.

Some Cons of Being Shy

  • Isolated

Shy people tend to isolate themselves a lot. If you are isolated for so long there is no doubt that it can turn into loneliness and that loneliness can possibly lead to depression.

  • Missed opportunities

I'm pretty sure there are a lot of things you wish you could be doing whether it is career wise or leisure wise, but your shyness is the only thing standing in your way.

  • People feel as if they can walk over you

Bullies feel as though they can do or say anything to a shy person and get away with it. When you put yourself in a box you make yourself look small and don't typically do anything to stop the bullies.

You have officially made yourself bully bait.

  • Appearing stuck up or rude

If you are too shy and constantly avoiding situations that make you uncomfortable you can appear stand offish, stuck up or rude. They way your actions, body language and even words come across to others has a huge impact on what others think of you.

Overcoming Shyness

If you have made it this far in this reading it means you are ready to overcome your shyness and live your life without self restraints. This will definitely not be an overnight transformation, for me it took years.

(I am still ironing out some kinks.)

  • First things first, you should stop overthinking situations. When you think about things too much you tend to get into your own head which makes everything 10 times worse. It holds you back from living your life and doing things that you otherwise would love to do.

It is really dangerous when you overthink small things because you make them seem bigger and scarier than they actually are.

  • Push yourself out of your comfort zone and try doing something that scares you. By doing this it will open your eyes to the true success and happiness that you are seeking in life.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

–Donald Walsch

So go out and test your limits to see how life changing this could be.

  • Be mindful of your body language it says more than you think. For example, do you ever go out in public and see strangers freely interacting with each other and on your end it seems as if no one ever wants anything to do with you?

It's probably because you come off as mean or standoffish. If this happens try smiling a little more when out in public or just saying a simple hello. I promise you will see a huge difference.

  • For a change try being the first one to start a conversation. This can be very intimidating at first, but it will come easier and become more fluid and natural with practice.

Compliments are a great ice breaker to start out with! One compliment can go a long way.

If you don't get a response or if you get a dry response from the person you are trying to strike up a conversation with just know that it isn't your fault. That person could have some things going on in their life that you don't know about.....or they are just plain old mean human beings. Either way just know that it isn't your fault.

The world is full of beautiful interesting people and fun things to do. Don't deprive yourself of it all by trapping yourself in a bubble.

With a little a patience and perseverance shyness can be overcome.

“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.”

–Andre Dubus

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